My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
this just has baby written all over it
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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