she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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