I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
