you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
