everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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