His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
