Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
