Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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