i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
