ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
