you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize