I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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