There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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