So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
