i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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