If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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