I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize