I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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