You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize