1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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