dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
