I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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