Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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