Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
