People with herpes should wear stickers.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
