when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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