I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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