Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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