GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
