Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
