can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
