i just wanna soil my oats bro
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
