my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
