I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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