he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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