I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
