Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
