ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
