im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
