she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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