bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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