you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
