At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
