There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize