I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
