I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
