Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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