don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
