How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
