She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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