I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
