More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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