mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
