everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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