So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
