hell yes lets make some ravioli
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
