i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I am naked and annoyed.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
