frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
