Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
