I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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