I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
