He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
