I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize