Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
