I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
