you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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