you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
