hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
