my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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